• driving a really cool convertible car
• actually, just driving
• sex
• making my own dream woman from scud books, a sindy doll and a car battery
• being pressured into organising a party when i’m sure no one will turn up.
• reiterating that fear to my friends as i open the front, and being astonished as about 1500 people all say ‘HI!’ at the same time.
• the fact they are all much older than me is neither here nor there
• sex
• having a locker at school
• for hiding stuff in i mean
• staying in a huge detached house in which my bedroom is the converted loft
• or basement
• having some incredibly hot girl, 2-3 years older than me, living across the street
• finding out that girl is in fact a shallow and completely bogus bitch, and that i’d be better off with my geeky female friend
• realising this only when the geek makes herself look like the shallow bitch
• sex

None of this was forthcoming in a country renowned for bad weather, entrenched alcoholism and deep fried foods. And in the days before yer bebo or yer facebook i had to rely on good ole television to brighten my corner. ITV was as shit then as it is now, but they did endear themselves to me by picking up on Sabrina the Teenage Witch featuring Melissa Joan Hart.

Melissa had several qualities which made a puberty struck Ah Fong take notice

• blonde
• supernatural
• liked wearing leather trousers
• and leather skirts

I’ll not go into details on a family site like this, let’s just say the fevered conjouring of MJH’s image kept this scottish boy warm on the freezing summer nights.  As did the image of one of her aunts (you know the one) The programme itself was the breezy, preppy feel good kinda show the yanks excel at. But what marked it out for me was that rather than just namedrop a lame reference to popular culture (like Blossom and Pearl Jam. Eeeeew) STTW, as us fans call it, actually had personal appearances. Alright, some of them were shit. But some were amazing.  I thought REM had made an appearance but cant find a reference to it, but Violent Femmes were on and even po faced, soap boxing, alt.popsters 10,000 maniacs got in on the act.

So take your pointy judgemental hat off, Mabel and enjoy Sabrina’s arse the bands

p.s what’s MJH up to these days? running a sweet shop. Melissa, we could have done that together. In glasgow. With fried food instead of sweets….

In the weird and wonderful world of comics (or comix) anyone with a head full of psychedelic music knew that the Silver Surfer and Dr. Strange were actually too passé and sedate, and, well, not real. The truth was elsewhere, in a dingy coldwater flat inhabited by three scruffy drug addled ne’er do wells and their cat. The Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers were like folk you met at festivals or whom your big brother went to school with before they dropped out.
Created by Texan Gilbert Shelton in the late sixties, the Freak Brothers were unlike many of the other underground comics around. Unlike the sexually fixated R. Crumb or the pyschelicised Victor Moscosco, there were actually jokes in the strips and you didn’t have to be stoned to enjoy them.
Phineas, Freewheelin’ Franklin and, supreme slob, Freddie Freekowski (aka Fat Freddie) did little except score drugs, get into fixes and lay around. Their cat was smarter than them. As their popularity grew their escapades got longer and more complicated and some of the initial innocence was lost but the jokes remained.
Originally contained in 8 comic books they have been anthologised to death. There has been talk of a movie for several years and there is some footage available if you search for it.

I’ll always remember the day Bette Midler recommended the film ‘Payday’ to me. When I say ‘to me’ I mean I heard her on the radio. ‘It’s a film about how life used to be for country singers, how hard it was‘ she told me Radio 2

Payday stars Rip Torn as Maury Dan, a journeyman type C&W singer. I first remember Torn from playing Artie on The Larry Sanders Show, and I’d seen him in a few less than great recent films. But it seems ole Rip is a man of hidden depths. For starters he really is (nick)named Rip Torn, how fucking cool is that? And he almost landed the lawyers role in Easy Rider till him and Dennis Hopper got in an argument and Dennis pulled a knife (or was it the other way? I kinda hope it was…) Jack Nicholson, you are a salamander of fate.

Payday is a great film with some great scenes. Maury’s tripped out mother, the duck hunt, and the awkward menage a trois in the back of a filthy tour car. As Bette cracked open another Carlsberg Special Brew she confided to me ‘This film should have made Rip a star’